September 20, 2006

  • This was written
    by a guy... it's pretty damn smart.

     One evening
    last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion
    starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
    feel like it, I just
    want you to hold me."

    I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she
    says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads
    to
    hear...

    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
    woman enough for
    me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She
    responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
    who I am
    and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was
    going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

     The very next
    day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
    her. We went out
    to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
    unnamed department
    store. I walked around with her while she tried on
    several different very
    expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
    to take, so I told her we'd
    just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
    compliment her new clothes, so I
    said, "Let’s get a pair for each
    outfit."

    We went on to the jewelry
    department where she picked out a pair of
    diamond earrings. Let me tell
    you... she was so excited. She must have
    thought I was one wave short of a
    shipwreck. I started to think she was
    testing me because she asked for a
    tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
    know how to play tennis.

    I think
    I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
    was almost
    nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited
    anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
    all
    dear, let's go to the
    cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
    don't
    feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw
    dropped with a baffled,
    "WHAT?"

    I then said, "Honey! I just want you
    to HOLD this stuff for a while..
    You're just not in touch with my financial
    needs as a man enough for me
    to satisfy your shopping needs as a
    woman."

    And just when she had this look as she was going to kill me, I
    added,
    "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I
    buy
    you?"

    Apparently, I'm not having sex
    tonight either...but at least that bitch
    knows I'm smarter than her.

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